PTSD Childhood Trauma: The Years of Loma Prieta and the LA Riots at Fruitvale Elementary School

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PTSD Childhood Trauma: The Years of Loma Prieta and the LA Riots at Fruitvale Elementary School

Early childhood

It was morning in second grade at Fruitvale Elementary School I was sitting in my seat listening to the teacher talk when I started to feel a strange feeling touching me between my legs on my private part. I was sitting next to a boy I was wearing a dress as a begun to shout the teacher was somewhat alerted to what was happening to me. The teacher told the boy classmate sitting next to me to go downstairs in a separate room attached to the class I followed behind him punishing him jumping on his back for touching my private part. The school bell rung very loudly.

Next, I remember returning to school at recess drinking water for the fountain as the school recess monitor wearing beads in her hair yelled at me to "make it quick drinking the water" she than grabbed me pushed my head hard to the concrete wall of the water fountain I screamed as blood rushed from my head outside all the way to the front office.  I bled from my frontal lobe on my forehead nearly 30 minutes, but the ambulances or firefighters were never called. Today, I recall the blood and seeing the scar on my forehead traumatizing me. The experience had to be linked in the events of a cover up at my account and traumatic suffering.

This was the beginning of PTSD I discover the medical terminology years later in my late 20's. My PTSD and anxiety from close contact, crowds, schools, and boys was the start of mental illness as I recall. Early childhood experience interacting with others change from gossiping and other kids depicting me as helpless, injured, disabled, and unloved. As I aged, I realized it was the talk of the town and everybody knew about what happen to me but sadly know body consoled me and didn't say one word about it to me.

Teenage years

These years where very rocky as I experience many ups and down; highs and lows in relationships and school and my weight gaining. In addition, new friends never measured up to long term bonds. I was in shape sometimes after finding a safe haven at the YMCA gym after school and on the weekends. I worked out on the bike, played volleyball and basketball, ran, swam and enjoyed the sauna and steam room. Going to the gym help me discover how to love and take care of myself. The gym also was a place to meet new people like teenagers like me and build my self-esteem to overcome childhood anxiety as I began to focus on my people skills becoming more friendly with others.

My 20's

At 19 I entered into the mental health system through San Francisco general hospital it was very strange because I hadn't been to San Francisco general hospital pretty much since the time I was born there other than my adolescent years. Now I think of great possibilities. Was there a defined purpose for me entering the mental health system that led up to this point of no return of hospitalizations? I called in my twenties returning back to myself and being punished for it "This was the root to me going to psych emergency."

In my early twenties when I began going to psych emergency due to psychosis episodes. I often wondered, what was the reason? They never explained. I collectively thought in my mind after a number of hospitalizations the reason for my episodes, I was a nice woman sweet at heart with respectful conversations and kind-hearted without a virus I associated with very few people on a personal level and recognize most people as people not a person.

In my twenties I moved to Contra Costa County a diversified county that I have determined excludes representations of people without children and without viruses like cancer tetanus and HIV or people and persons that were not pedophiles. I was just told to take my medication I felt that was unfair to demand medication that throws me off balance in my dietary which in return alters my appearance. When I am not fully taking care of myself, they never come to contribute to the well-being of others. It was now that I experienced the forces of being off my medication how people would force themselves on me it appeared to me like The Walking Dead. Some people were total strangers forcing themselves on me and trying to grab me.

As the years went by, I begin to feel I needed to take my medication, in other words living in contentment. The contentment led me to be graceful of my situations and not persevere in my dietary contributing to that childhood and teenage weight gain from countless side effects of the medication. As the years went by, I became so off balance progressing in my studies in college remembering myself attractive but barely looking into the mirror I fail to see myself for who I had become, however, I acted if I was still in shape presenting myself with an assertive behavior while looking darkened and overweight and obese. I could just imagine others' perceptions of me as being too overconfident, fat, nasty and disabled. In my mid-twenties I returned back to college to pursue my Degree in Web Development Techniques and Health Education.

Later as I begin to master soft and hard skills of Technology and Health Education, I begin to find a balance after having a spiritual awakening reading and studying the Bible and Quran praying and meditating daily.

My thirties

I graduated from college got hired as a warmline counselor which I found very rewarding to share my counseling abilities from a peer perspective to help others like me overcome their concerns in areas of relationships, substance abuse, mental health, and housing needs. I also trained as a recovery coach. Later, I decided to further my education in human development. I am currently classified as a senior at Cal State Hayward where I am taking a break off to balance all my dimensions of wellness before returning.

Present

 I have learned I am uniquely resilient, collectively growing, and I define my own contentment. I determine my relationships bad and good.

Loma Prieta, LA Riots, PTSD, childhood, Trauma, Fruitvale Elementary

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